An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead…
A man who drank alot was told by his wife “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you”. Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank a lot and was sick all over his shirt. He told his friend, “If I go home like this my wife will…
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking old drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the old drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But…
One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have the crabs”. She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin. She went to another doctor and…
There’s a woman sitting in the vets with her small dog. A young girl, with a great Dane comes in and sits beside her. As they are waiting they strike up a conversation: The young girl says. “What’s he in for?” pointing to the dog. The older women looks around and makes sure no one…
An old half-blind lady by the name of Josephine was turning 91 years old and decided to throw a birthday party together with her three dedicated sons. After her husband died, her sons were all she had. Ever since they were small, all three of the sons were real momma’s boys, and they would always…
Lexo më shumë “The three sons compete over their mothers Birthday Gift” »
A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth. $100, said the dentist. Oh, that’s expensive, said the man. Do you have anything cheaper? That’s the normal price for an extraction, said the dentist. The man thinks about it, What about if you don’t use the anesthetic?…
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they…
One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?” “I’m Phil and I’m OK thanks,” I replied.“Phil, forget your troubles Come to my villa, rest a while and…
Lexo më shumë “Elizabeth a very attractive and keen golfer” »
Married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.” The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The man said, “Well, we got undressed, naked and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re…
Lexo më shumë “Dirty Joke: A married man almost had an affair with another woman” »
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely” to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said “The sky is definitely blue”. The…
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When…